the most powerfulest card

I just pretended to buy “the most powerfulest” Pokemon card off some weird online storefront, for .80 + 2.50 in shipping, cleaning out Paul’s and Annie’s allowance balance. It’s an Arceus vmax, 10000 health/8000 damage, in case you didn’t know. The ship date is in January. Paul doesn’t mind how long it will take—he’ll take a “seasonally long nap” until it arrives. “Like hibernating?” I ask. YES. “You’ll miss all the holidays!” “That’s okay!” Annie is also going to hibernate. They are creating their cozy nest, in fact. Annie pops out of her room. “Mom, good news about the hibernating: I spent all day cleaning boogers out of nose, so I’ll have a clear nose for it!”

This is all true, if surreal. Also true: I will be seeing a whole lots of ads for Pokemon cards.

tell me a story

I’m starting a log of the hilarious (?) story requests I receive from Annie and Paul (but mostly Annie), for their entertainment and sensemaking, and you tell me when to call the child psychologist.

  • Tell me a story about when Dory got stung by jellyfish.
  • Tell me a story about when Elsa killed a pig and cooked it for her family.
  • Tell me a story about Bambi, when the hunters shot his mother and she died.
  • Tell me a BRAND NEW story, and it has to be a LONG story. You can decide what it’s about.
  • Tell me a story about Elsa when Elsa was a gnat and a spider got her.
  • Tell me a story about when Elsa put her monster truck in the bath.
  • Tell me a story about when Holly Shiftwell DIED.