I just pretended to buy “the most powerfulest” Pokemon card off some weird online storefront, for .80 + 2.50 in shipping, cleaning out Paul’s and Annie’s allowance balance. It’s an Arceus vmax, 10000 health/8000 damage, in case you didn’t know. The ship date is in January. Paul doesn’t mind how long it will take—he’ll take a “seasonally long nap” until it arrives. “Like hibernating?” I ask. YES. “You’ll miss all the holidays!” “That’s okay!” Annie is also going to hibernate. They are creating their cozy nest, in fact. Annie pops out of her room. “Mom, good news about the hibernating: I spent all day cleaning boogers out of nose, so I’ll have a clear nose for it!”

This is all true, if surreal. Also true: I will be seeing a whole lots of ads for Pokemon cards.