anxiety dreams

It’s April, that frantic month where the pace of my APA (thesis), wedding plans, and arrangements for the future (Germany, my job, a possible move) accelerates toward the deadlines. Everything’s just gotten a touch more desperate. In a wedding-planning calendar my mother and I put together in August, there are no big items this month—though of course there is still plenty to do—except, written across the page: PROBABLY VERY BUSY.

In response, I’ve started having alternating anxiety dreams. Like clockwork, they started the night of April 1. That night it was one of those classic dreams where you discover you’re enrolled in a class that’s about to end, and you haven’t done any of the work. In your first foggy moments of waking up, you think, Crap, I’ve got to get on top of that, and then you remember with relief that you’re not IN a History of Philosophy class.
April 2 it was the wedding. The wedding was tonight; I was making frantic phone calls to find someone to do my hair, and then I realized we didn’t even have a ceremony put together. And then I was showering in a public bathroom and some British lech was making passes at me, and I was like DAMN IT MAN, I’M GETTING READY FOR MY WEDDING.
Last night: death in the family. And being chased through the jungle.

I’ve had all of these dreams before, with varying details, and expect to meet them like old friends many times between now and mid-May. At least there are no school children involved.

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